Do you find yourself obsessing over a relationship, wishing you had said this or hadn’t said that? Or maybe you worry that your partner or your crush doesn’t like you as much as you like them? Or do you “should” on yourself and feel resentful, guilty, or burdened, and wish you had another way?
Me too! I used to spend time worrying until I learned how to redirect my thoughts. That isn’t just some kind of “Pollyanna” positive thinking stuff. When we spend time thinking about what we don’t want, we don’t have the mental energy to create what we do want.
For example, my client Tracy would find herself in a loop of “what if” negative thoughts, and this was not only impacting her own peace of mind; it was also impacting her relationship. Her boyfriend would tell her she was a downer to be around, and that would make her more worried he was going to leave.
We worked on a process that I help my clients use to reprogram their thoughts. I’d like to share a few steps to change your focus, so you can free your mind up to create a solution in stead of focus on the problem.
3 Steps to Transform Negative Thinking:
1) Take a look at this nifty handout. If one of your thoughts fits into one of these categories, then pat yourself on the back for catching it ☺ Labeling our thoughts gives us distance from it, so we can break the pattern.
2) Ask yourself, “What’s the solution, instead of the problem? What action can I take towards that solution?”
3) If there isn’t an obvious solution, ask yourself, “What can I learn/how can I grow from this situation? Or “Do I need to learn skills/make a request for support?”
Not only is Tracy’s relationship with her boyfriend better then ever, she is sleeping better and feeling more excited about the day instead of worrying.
It all started with a breakthrough session to help her get a plan to turn her relationship with herself and her boyfriend around!
Could you use some help to untangle what is a happening for you in your relationship? I offer a limited number of GIFT Relationship Breakthrough sessions each month.