Recently my partner said, “I don’t like you right now. You’re a burden on me…” Ouch!
Of course there was a voice in my head saying, “That jerk…how can he be so mean?!”
In the past I would have spoken my mind, and then we would have argued for days. This time, I calmed my mind and listened to my heart instead.
Does your partner or someone else in your life criticize you? How do you respond? Do you defend yourself? Do you apologize? Do you internalize it and get hard on yourself?
I used to do all these things until I learned how to listen for the needs and desires underneath criticism. Easier said than done! But there are simple, learnable steps that I’ll share here.
Here’s how I turned the conversation around and inspired his love for me on a deeper level than ever:
1) I gave him my full attention, looked him in the eyes, gave him soothing touch, and repeated back to him what I heard him say.
He gave me the same listening, validation, and reassurance that I gave him, and we were able to create solutions together.
Because I fully listened to him first, he was able to fully be present for me and give me all the love, affection, and reassurance that I needed.
He then said “Wow I love you now deeper than ever because you listened to me and can accept all of me. I’m even more excited to create a future with you now!”
Which of these 4 steps is easy for you?
Which seems challenging?
I’d love to hear your questions and comments below 🙂
If you want support with putting these skills into practice, I invite you to apply for a free 1 on 1 Free Breakthrough to Lasting Love Session with me, where we uncover your unique challenges and create a customized plan to attract or re-ignite love, intimacy, and passion in your love life!